apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
