If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
