she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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