Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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