There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
