In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
