she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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