there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
