I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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