She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
