i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
