Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize