Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
