The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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