she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
