Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
