I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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