i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
