there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
