dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
