He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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