Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
