i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm both gender and math confused
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
