I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
