Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
