rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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