How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
