You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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