i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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