Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
