Can Purell be used as lube?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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