I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
