Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
