And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
