Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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