come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
