The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
