Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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