Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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