She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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