ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
