i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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