Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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