i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
