I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
