don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
