that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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