On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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