Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
