Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
