I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
