Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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