The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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