I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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