The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
