Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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