Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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