I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
