Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
