I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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