I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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