Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
