Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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