We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize