Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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