just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
