Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
