I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
