I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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