AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
do nipples grow back?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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