I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
