It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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