3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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