Can i not drive my cunt home
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
