I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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