I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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