My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
