In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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