I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Less talking, more tequila
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
