Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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