You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
two words...techno handjob
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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