I just saw a hot homeless man
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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