who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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