I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize