if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
