I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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