I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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