My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
