it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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