can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
