Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
