I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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