I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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