i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
