I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
