The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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