Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
