yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
