hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize