So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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