is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
