She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
