so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
