I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My penis needs a shock collar
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize