My cat gives me a boner
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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