i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize